You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
