Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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