I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
