I accidentally burped into my bong.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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