He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You pole danced in your parka.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
