He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
