Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
