Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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