Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
