swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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