I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
