this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
