everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
