i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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