11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
