i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
