believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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