got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
