At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
