Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
