my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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