Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
