Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
