I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
