my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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