there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
