Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
