So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
