How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He? As in you personified your dick?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
