He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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