so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
