I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
