Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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