i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
