Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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