He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
