she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
