There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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