Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
