I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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