it hurts more in the daytime
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
