Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
