well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
