Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
