On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
