Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can Purell be used as lube?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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