so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
