Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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