I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
