I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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